Friday, March 10, 2006

Couple Marry, Slip On Banana Peel

Las Vegas, USA

A couple slipped on a discarded banana peel early yesterday morning outside a wedding chapel after getting married.

Gerald Moreno, 36, of New Mexico, and Lisa De Witt, 46, of Arizona, mis-stepped while sauntering out of the Elvis Presley Suspicious Minds Chapel to a young boy, 9, who had been paid by the couple to wait outside and shower confetti on them after they emerged from the chapel.

As they carried on a display of smiling and kissing for the Polaroid cameras, operated by another 9-year-old, eyewitness reports stated that Moreno made the unfortunate step of avoiding a steaming pile of dog poo but accidentally slipped on a banana peel instead. His new bride also slipped and almost suffocated him due to the bouffant shape of her white wedding dress.

After rising from the ground and dusting himself and his bride off, Moreno cheerfully told our reporter that Sathya Sai Baba had indicated his invisible presence at their wedding. "Strangely enough, slipping on banana peels has been a prominent feature of our whirlwind romance. I've written about it on my website. I slipped on a banana peel around a month ago which I felt to be a portent, and then I slipped on another one on Valentine's Day when I met my lovely Lisa," he gushed. "I have no doubt that Swami approves of this alliance and that, with our union, we are carrying out Sai's will."

The blushing bride made no comment. After she proudly displayed her ring, Moreno grinned and said, "Here's hoping I don't slip on another one while I'm carrying her over my threshold!"

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Sai Baba Suffering Lack Of Attention

Puttaparthi, South India

His Holiness Sri Sathya Sai Baba has been diagnosed as suffering from a severe form of the Lesser Attention Syndrome Tachypnea (LAST) disorder, which is characterised as experiencing rapid breathing caused by a serious lack of public attention.

Events have been creeping this way for some time. After consulting with his publicity agent to discuss ways of increasing his public profile, he collapsed while clutching his chest outside the local clinical dispensary.

An ambulance arrived at the scene and quickly transported him for free treatment at his own hospital. Doctors considered the situation to be so critical that the Baba was immediately prescribed a dedicated photojournalist to accompany him 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Latest reports suggest that the Baba is slowly recovering and his condition has been described as "stable". Upcoming newspaper articles later this week are currently being designed to impress the Baba and nurse him back to full health, but the outlook remains bleak.