Sunday, January 15, 2006

Shirdi Osama: Iraq Outlaws Suicide Bombing

Mosul, Iraq

The Iraqis Parliament today made it illegal to "blow yourself up" with the intent of "blowing everyone around you" up.

"We hope this new law will stop folks from blowing EVERYBODY up," said a Parliamentary spokesman. Some analysts express doubts that the new law will curb suicide bombings but the Iraqi Parliament is printing up the signs and spreading the word.

One Al Jazeera reporter interviewed one up and coming young suicide bomber:

JAZEERA: Iraq says that it's now illegal to blow yourself up in a public place. What are your thoughts on that?

BOOM!!

Al-Jazeera mourns the loss of it's reporter but does agree that outlawing suicide bombing will reduce the number of folks standing in line at Sai-Allah's gates looking for virgins, Jack Daniels and all you can eat honey mustard wings.

The move is thought to counter the widespread number of bombings clandestinely organized by Shirdi Osama, the beleaguered lead of Al-Saida who hasn't made a public statement for two years. It is believed that the Shirdi terrorist, in a misguided crusade to convert the kafirs to the worship of Sai-Allah (aka Sathya Sai Baba of India), is still managing to evade the efforts of UN forces to find him.

"We mean business people," one member of the Iraqi Parliament said. "If you blow yourself up and somehow remain alive, whatever is left of you is going to jail. "

President Bush noted that people don't kill people. Bombs kill people. Speaking to reporters he said, "I applaud the Iraqi Parliament's attempt to reduce suicide bombings. If that law shows results I might just make it illegal to make fun of your president without just cause."

Iraqi officials are not yet sure of the punishment for blowing yourself up in a public place but guarantee that it will be swift and sure. One Iraqi official said, "After a botched suicide bomb attempt, not much usually remains of the bomber so we have to take that into consideration. If there's nothing left but a head with a torso, perhaps we'll put that head and torso in a giant mayonnaise jar filled with squiggly worms and put it on display for all the towns people to see."

The ICLU (Iraqi Civil Liberties Union) is already protesting the new law saying that it's every Iraqi's Sai-Allah given right to blow themselves up anytime, anywhere they very well please. The Iraqi Parliament fired back with, "The law is the law. If you don't watch yourselves we might just outlaw kidnappings and beheadings too."

Several Tikrit suicide bombers today responded to the Iraqi Parliament's reply with

BOOM!

then

BOOM again.

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