Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Sai Baba Auditions For American Idol

Hollywood, Los Angeles

Sai Baba last night manifested himself here in his subtle body to audition for the new series of American Idol. Facing the panellists Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson, the Baba burst into a tone-deaf rendition of "Love Is My Form" after confidently stating that he will win the contest as he had willed it so.

Although he had warned the panel beforehand that he would be performing his own composition, the shock on the panellists' faces was evident. They sat and stared open-mouthed as Sai Baba screeched and ploughed his way through the song, which is supposedly a gospel track.

Approximately two minutes after the Baba had finished his performance, the panelists opened a single eye to check if it was safe to pull their fingers out of their ears. Simon Cowell fumed and immediately launched into a tirade.

Awful

"That was terrible, I mean just awful," he scowled. "My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't." To this, Sai Baba was outraged and responded hotly. "Do you know who I am? Everyone believes in me and I have come here to become famous! I've already released albums and videos and I'm very popular and have lots of fans!"

Cowell sneered, "If you were singing like this two thousand years ago, people would have stoned you. You can't sing, you can't dance, so what do you want me to say? You sung like you were on a dentists' chair!"

At this, Sai Baba burst into tears and wept loudly filling the room with his cries. Paula Abdul was unmoved as she stroked Cowell's hand in support. Sai Baba continued protesting, "But I want to be famous! I've dreamt about this all my life, I WANT fame!"

"Not this year, daddio. In fact, never." replied Cowell with mock sympathy, before indicating to the security guards to remove him from the room. Sai Baba then mysteriously vaporized and re-appeared outside the room for the outgoing chat. "They told me to take some singing lessons and come back next year," he cheerfully told the interviewer.

Crap

The International Sai Tribune caught up with Simon Cowell yesterday to get his take on the incident, to which he replied: "
I met someone the other night who's 80 years old, and he hasn't worked a day since he left school because he's pursuing a dream he'll never, ever realize: He thinks he's a great singer. Actually, he's crap. But nobody has said to him, 'Why have you been wasting your time for eighty years?'"

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