Friday, March 26, 2004

Sai Baba exposed in suicide bomber recruit drive

Puttaparthi, India.
26 Mar, 2004.

Sathya Sai Baba, a holy man of South India, was sensationally exposed yesterday as being guilty of planning a recruit drive of youths for a suicide bombing project in protest at the US invasion of Iraq.

K. Chakravarthi, PR spokesman for the Prashanti Nilayam ashram, said, "Swami has sent out a global circular to all center presidents requesting them to inform the youth devotees of a new program that Swami is preparing for them. Everyone knows that the USA committed an illegal act in going to war with Iraq. Swami has always said that his students as well as his youthful devotees are the future of this world, so it is imperative for them to see how they can best fulfill Swami's desires for them. It doesn't matter that most of our donations come from the USA or that Swami has mostly USA devotees, we have to stick to our principles."

Asked how this leak occurred, Chakravarthi shrugged his shoulders and muttered quietly, "All Swami's play."

There is growing concern over the guru's increasing megalomania. "First he conveniently opens schools and colleges," says Jo Hills, childrens' community worker, "then he sexually abuses them and expects to get away with it. And now he is just stark raving mad with his bombing ideas. I thought gurus weren't supposed to be into politics!"

The first of such recruits is believed to be one Satyajit, who is one of the Baba's close personal attendants. When NESBE asked him for his thoughts on the matter, Satyajit replied, "I have no opinion of my own. I will do whatever Swami asks me to do and that is my sole desire in life." When asked why he was willing to submit to the Baba's wished, he replied, "Well, you know, I don't ask questions so I receive no answers. Swami has always looked after me since birth and it is my duty to repay my debt to him."

Aside, Satyajit quietly mentioned that he was looking forward to his afterlife. "Swami kindly informed me that there are 72 virgin girls waiting for me in heaven. I have been celibate all my life so I am very excited about this."

The Baba himself was unavailable for comment. Anil Kumar, another close disciple, informed NESBE that the Baba was "very happy" with the plans for the upcoming project. When asked for an indication of when the project would start, the Baba had apparently grimaced and hissed, "Wait wait!"