Thursday, August 14, 2003

Prashanti Council Stages Commando Raid On NESBE Headquarters

August 13, 2003

At 11:00 AM this morning several Humvees painted in military camouflage pulled in the parking lot at the offices of National Enquirer Sai Baba Edition. A team of commandos in black ninja attire leaped out of the vehicles and surrounded the complex, wielding automatic weapons. To their dismay, however, the buildings had already been evacuated a half hour earlier, due to an anonymous phone call tipping off our security department to the raid. Our own chief of security reported his first hand account from his vantage point in some bushes where he hid and observed through binoculars:

"It was clearly a Prashanti Council commando team. I could make out the letters P and C that were painted over on one of the vehicles, apparently spray painted quickly and without enough coats of paint to obscure the letters. The leader was dressed as a Disney character, Goofy I think. One of them who had a thin strip of white cloth hanging out of his black ninja leather pants tripped over the laces of his black Reeboks, which he forgot to tie, inadvertently discharging his weapon and knocking down three of his fellow ninjas. They got up a few seconds later, apparently saved by their Kevlar vests under the ninja suits. I could make out dark marks on some of their foreheads where they usually put on that ash stuff. The leader went inside and came out a couple minutes later carrying a Red Swingline stapler in one hand and a box of donuts under the other. Then they just took off. I went over and retrieved a small packet that fell out of the pocket of the one who tripped and it was a foil wrapped handful of Ecstasy tablets. The anonymous caller sounded a lot like that girl, what's her name again, Lizzy Witt or something like that."

The Prashanti Council could not be reached for comment.