Wednesday, July 24, 2002

Enron Executives Double Life As Sai Imitationist Exposed

July 24, 2002
Houston, TX

Ex-Enron executive Alfred K. Boggins has been leading a double life. Monday through Friday he would head into his office at the notorious Enron Corporation, and on weekends he would head over to a local Sai Baba center to pose as an authorized channeler for the spirit of his guru, Sathya Sai Baba, to intercede on behalf of worshippers and spout Saicobabble philosophy from a lavish jewel encrusted throne.

He had a special afro wig with integral pony tail for effect, just so he could disguise himself as a Hindu holy man. His tailor would sew silk orange robes for him in between orders for his Armani suits that he wore to work at his day job. His secret was discovered when his wife, who suspected he was having extramarital affairs (since she never saw him on weekends), had him followed by a private detective. The Sai devotees thought that he was magically disappearing and re-appearing in faroff countries to preach Sai's gospel.

Authorities are now looking for Boggins, also known as Sri Sathya Sai Blah-Blah, who is wanted for questioning over the recent scandals at Enron. It is believed that he left the country for some unknown destination on his jet without filing the customary flight plans as expected. They are following leads at various Sai centers around the globe in a bid to find his hideout. The FBI are also looking for him on account of huge quantities of illegal drugs found in a secret sub-basement at his lavish Houston mansion.

Also discovered in the sub basement were several Texas prostitutes locked in various chambers who claim that Boggins was holding them to be sold into slavery in harems over in Arab countries. One of them told reporters, "He has this weird weekly ritual where he would make us jump into a big vat of sugar water and then proceed to lick it off of us, calling us his little gulab jamuns. Then he would make us chant Om Sai Ram a hundred and eight times and tell us all our sins had been wiped away."

One of his disciples told the press in a recent interview, "He kept using the Enron examples in his lectures, and it was getting more and more frequent up until his disappearance a few weeks ago. He also came into the temple with very sticky hands on Saturday morning, muttering something about 'naughty ladies' and then requesting a bowl of warm water to rinse them off."